Intangible mission

Day 36 of The Purpose Driven Life, discusses reaching unbelievers as being the mission of a Christian.

Warren goes on to say that Jesus' second coming is tied to Christians completing this mission. i.e., making sure everyone God wants to hear the Good News has heard it. So if I want Jesus to come back sooner, I had better focus on fulfilling this mission.

I realized when I read that statement, that I don't want Jesus to come back yet. And that got me thinking that as a Christian, shouldn't I want that more than anything?

I know that I am too much of the world as opposed to in it. I like my life. It has it's struggles, but on the whole I enjoy it. I don't want to leave it yet. And it's because the idea of something greater, heaven, just is not a tangible thing to me. Maybe I haven't had the blessing of experiencing God on a significant level yet. Maybe I just don't know Jesus well enough.

This is yet another example that I have a lot of growing in my faith to do. A lot of learning.

It also leads me to a fear. Because I am so comfortable in my life and sometimes still love things, my kids, and my husband more than Jesus, Jesus will take those things away from me in order to make me grow. It is no secret that Jesus uses people and circumstances to reach us.

James 1:2-4 (NIV) says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers [and sisters], whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything".

Warren himself writes that there are just some issues in life that will never be changed by any amount of Bible study or prayer. I am afraid that the only way for me to grow in faith will be to suffer the unthinkable: losing loved ones.

Warren ends day 36 by asking what keeps me from telling others the Good News. Well, my doubts often do. How do I sell something that I am not always convinced of myself? I fear being challenged on my beliefs because they are so shaky at times.

I posted about my faith difficulties recently. I now believe that God purposefully made me a doubtful person and he intentionally gave me faith as a struggle.  Maybe part of the reason is so that I can share this struggle with you. And to keep me continually searching for truth and answers so that in the process, I can come to know and love God more than the things of this world.

Is it receive and believe, or believe and receive?

Okay, so one of the fundamental things that I have struggled with since I was eight years old and first heard about God and Jesus, was the whole "receiving and believing" thing.  Everyone who knows anything about Christianity knows that at it's core is believing in the existence and resurrection of Jesus.

To become a Christian, all one has to do is pray to Jesus and say "I believe in you and I receive you".

I cannot tell you how many times I've prayed those words over the years and yet there are times when I still wonder if I've done it right. When I was little, I was told that praying those words only means something if you really accepted Jesus in your heart. But what does that mean, exactly? The issue that I have is this: wanting to believe that something is true isn't the same as believing it.

I have no problem believing there is a God. But how does one go from believing in a God, to believing that same God came to earth in the form of a person named Jesus, who was then murdered, but came back from the dead so that our souls could live forever? Why doesn't this belief or knowledge automatically translate for me like it seems to do for others?

If it hasn't become abundantly clear, one of my struggles as a Christian is faith. I have feared over the years that I was one of an unfortunate few whose heart God had hardened. Romans 9:21 discusses how a potter has the right to decide to use some lumps of clay to make a jar for decoration, and another to throw garbage into. What if I was one God had made to "throw garbage into"? Not a pleasant thought. But then Romans 9 goes on to say that even though God has the right to show his anger, He is patient and merciful. Thank goodness for that.

I have asked God why I should have so many doubts. Why couldn't I just believe and have faith?

Romans 10:17 (NLT) says "faith comes from hearing, that is, hearing the Good News about Christ". Ephesians 2:8 words it a little more specifically, "God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God". The "it" referred to in this passage, is faith.

It seems pretty clear then that faith is a gift from God. I can't manifest it myself. This makes me feel a little better but it has also meant that I've come to accept that faith is a struggle God has given me, and that I am just going to have to work through it. I take a lot of comfort from Hebrews 12:1-2 (NLT): "...let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith." The perfecter of our faith. This implies that it okay to struggle with faith! This verse has made me realize that I truly am a work in progress - God is still working on me. I'm not a lost cause! He just isn't finished with me yet.

Most recently when I questioned God about my faith, the following words popped very clearly into my head: just keep asking.

Once again it would appear that God is trying hard to teach me the lesson of depending on Him instead of myself.