I've realized how consumed I can be with worrying about what my friends think or agonizing over why I wasn't invited out for coffee or for a run or whatever the case may be.
This sounds so ridiculous but if I don't get an answer to a phone call or an email I sometimes invent entire stories in my head about that friend being too busy with other people to get back to me. Sounds like I'm describing a pretty pitiful person, doesn't it? Exactly.
I thought that if I went back to work, I would have my own "thing" and I would meet other professionals, so that what my little group of friends were or were not doing wouldn't matter so much. In other words, I thought I probably had too much time on my hands and that was why I was over-analyzing every little thing in my relationships.
But then I thought back to when I did go back to work after my daughter was born. I remember sitting in my office reading my stay-at-home-mom friend's Facebook statuses about playdates and strollercise and coffe-time and feeling really sorry for myself. Gosh. I have spent a lot of my life feeling sorry for myself! And it's because of all the time I spend comparing myself to others.
I want my life to be driven by something more meaningful than worrying about what other people think. I want to spend my time doing something more meaningful than comparing myself to my friends. And I want to be a person who feels genuine happiness and love when their friends experience success instead of niggles of jealousy and envy.
Ecclesiastes 4:4 states, "I observed that most people are motivated to success because they envy their neighbors. But this, too, is meaningless".
I don't want to be this particular cliche anymore. I don't want the successes I do experience to be temporary and ultimately meaningless. The obvious solution is to change my attitude and my focus.
Isaiah 26:3 says, "You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!".
Perfect peace sounds lovely, doesn't it? I just have to fix my thoughts on God? No problem! Easier said than done I'm afraid. But that is what I am planning on spending time on this year: practical ways I can turn my thoughts to God. Not just in those easy moments when things are going great or I'm sitting quietly by myself. But in those hard moments when I am tired, frustrated, hurt or angry.